My Journey to Freedom: That Last Leap

It took me about a week just to plan where to go and what to do.  The only plan was to get out.  I didn’t know what was waiting on the other side to tell you the truth, because so much of the planning was set on how to just get over the wall.  Below is a picture of the place I escaped from 25 years ago.  Well, almost but not quite.  25 years ago, the only thing that stood there was the house that was newly built.  There were no trees and the place had very little grass.  It was mostly hot sand/soil and a few stones here and there. 

Prior to that night, I had also planned to escape - obviously those attempts and plans were unsuccessful. But for that one week, I was willing to risk everything just to get out of there or have Mona take charge of us and the kids we were caring for again.  There was no way I was going to go through all that pain she dealt us over and over again nor be witness to how she dealt with the kids.  The week before she came, I took the keys from one of the rooms I was staying in, and walked towards the gates with my back leaning on the wall.  I needed a bit of stealth.  For a 13 year old girl who was barely 5 feet, the gates looked huge at the time.  Even the padlocks were quite heavy and turning the keys in them took a lot of effort.  It was also noisy – too noisy. Each time, I tried test-opening the padlocks, the very sound would ring in my ears.  I always thought I’d be caught there and then. Luckily, no one came. I practiced thrice.  Each time, was unsuccessful.  The only way out then was to go over the wall.  

I was even luckier because one of the workers who was assigned to the place had left his home-made scaffolding.  How I prayed that he wouldn’t move it to another section of the wall it was against.  It was situated near my room and would be hidden in the dark when I made my escape. On the day that I left, I would peek out ever so often to ensure that it was still there.  Mona arrived that night. I obviously wasn't excited to see  her.  The scaffolding was exactly where I needed it to be and I felt like it was a good sign for me to leave.

I wanted to leave early because I didn't want to have anything else to do with Mona. I packed a small bag with whatever presentable clothes I had – which wasn’t much. When I reached the top, that’s when I finally realized that I didn’t even take into consideration the barb wires that would be on there.  Plus, I realized then and there how foolish I was that I didn’t even think about what I would be landing on.  Would I land on grass, on water, in a pit, or on concrete?  I had no idea and I only had a few more minutes to decide.  I just knew there was no way I was getting back down.  My heart was beating wildly, the blood rushing through my ears.  I felt that everyone in the building would hear it.  I felt light-headed.  The barb wires were stuck to my clothes and I couldn’t really figure out how to get to the other side of that wall without hurting myself.   The only option I had was to hold on to it.  I couldn’t leave my clothes or else I’d have no change of clothing.  After a few minutes, I decided to take the risk and just grab on to it.  It hurt but I thought back then that the pain would be all worth it.  And it was.  For every barb that stuck to my clothes, that scratched and ripped the skin of my hands – my freedom was definitely all worth it.  The only things I have left to remember that ordeal with is the scar from one hand that isn’t very visible but it’s there to remind me that before happiness – sometimes, pain is the only thing that paves the way for us to treasure it even more - I also have my memories. 

Gadgets or Human Interaction?

"At the beginning of life, symbiosis is of prime, positive importance to both sexes.  It begins as a growth process, freeing the infant of the fear of being vulnerable and alone, giving her the courage to develop.  If we get enough symbiosis in the beginning, we will later remember its pleasures and be able to look for it in others; to accept and immerse ourselves in it when we find it, and move out of it again when we are sated, knowing that we will always be able to re-establish it.  We will trust and enjoy love, take it as part of life's feast - not feel we must devour every crumb because it may never come again."

                                                                                                                             My Mother/Myself
                                                                                                                             by Nancy Friday

I often re-read this when I feel like just having my own space or on the other side of the spectrum, become too dependent on another's company for my own pleasure.  The search for a real and true relationship is a struggle.  In this day and age, conversations at the dinner table, or conversations with friends have been exchanged for entertainment that could be had with technological gadgets.

Facebook, the iPads, the Android phones, and tablets etc. are good to use for a time.  But it could get addicting.  I am guilty of this and so I know how it feels.  I am worried that our younger generation grow up with a world of their own.  Their friends are avatars or icons on their gadgets and they miss out on a lot of the human interaction, the need to socialize, the need to talk, the need to commune.  It's a scary thought.

Sometimes, I feel  a bit paranoid just thinking ahead to what could possibly be our future. There's a good side to technology and there are definitely cons to it.  The absence of the warmth of a friend's voice or the feeling of safety and security that comes with a  hug is altogether missing nowadays. There is no telling what would happen with the sudden absence of these gadgets - would all be as it should be? It's a possibility but then as the latter part of the quote indicates, it could also turn into a situation where too much of what we want is also a bad thing.