I honestly don't know where to start. My life has been one long journey of learning how to forgive. I can't forget the past but I am learning how to forgive. It isn't an easy journey to make.
I've been hurt many times over but I am learning that I can also forgive. I was born and raised in an era where one could not even dare speak up to parents. But I have. I've been brash, I've been bitter I've been everything I'm not supposed to be. I've have fallen short a million times. My very first reaction is to always point the blame at someone else.
I've always expected my parents to say, "I'm sorry, I forgive you too." But that's never happened. I grew up expecting that they would do so one day. It was difficult for me to realize that they never will and now it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter. We've fought so many times, I can't count. We've exchanged many hurtful words. I don't know when I'll be able to face mom and say, "I'm sorry that I hurt you." Like she always says, I'll never really know what's she's lived through and I know very well that part of the life she's lived has been one of love and she's loved me the best way she could. So why is it so hard for me to let go? Why is it so hard to forgive other people as well.
I vowed to myself that one day, I'd be able to face my children and accept the fact that I'm not perfect. I've asked forgiveness from other people except my family. Why is it so much easier to do that with other people and so difficult to do with people you truly love?
Would you believe it? A friend's 3 year old son taught me the value of forgiveness. I can't even begin to describe the absolution I felt. Why was it so easy for me to kneel on one knee, look him in the eye and say that I was sorry that I had hurt him? Children do not harbor hatred. There is no past and there is no future in their minds. There is only the now. The little boy looked at me questioningly and simply said, 'it's okay Auntie Marie' and gave me a real tight hug and a brief kiss. His simple gesture broke a wall of defense in me. I had carefully built that wall and he tore it down with a simple, 'it's okay.' How much more beautiful can it ever get. Since that day, almost 12 years ago, I have tried to do the same thing. One thing's for sure - I am no longer shy and no longer afraid to admit I'm wrong.
I'm not completely over everything. I still have a long long way to go and it may take many more years to get over my horrendous past. I can't let go and I want revenge on the people who've hurt and abused me. I'm talking of other people - not my family. My mom is the least of my worries. Any hurt I thought she gave was just in my mind. I'm still hoping that in time, I'd be able to hug my mom back and just tell her that I love her and ask for forgiveness.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
When will all this misery end!
I signed up for this:
PETITION: We want the French, Mexican and United States Governments to stop anyone using puppies and kittens as shark and alligator bait. Together we WILL put an end to this!
*****************************************************************************
I signed up for this not just because I'm fond of animals but because it's just wrong! If animals had voices, what would we hear them say? My heart bleeds when I see stories and pictures about cruelty to animals and to children. It's as perverse as it can get. Why????
The picture that came with this was one with a dog that had 2 large hooks pierced cleanly through his snout. This dog didn't look like a castaway. It looked like a cared for animal. I don't really care if it was cared for or not. No animal, whether a stray or not, deserves any type of cruelty from us humans. From what I've seen so far, I despair and think that it's us humans who've become more like animals in our way of thinking and in our actions. I am ashamed to even think of myself as human if my entire race thinks nothing of cruel acts.
I once had someone ask me why I cared so much for dogs, cats and other animals. They don't have a heart. My retort, that's what most think! But why can dogs and cats love so fiercely? Why can they forgive and forget even if we unintentionally hurt them? Why do they still trust us even if some intentionally hurt them?
I took care of 2 dogs who were almost at death's door. They came to me, literally skin and bones. That was what was left of them. One was Greg. The other was Mushu.
Mushu was a pup who my driver almost ran over on my way home because he was sprawled out in the street. I stopped him just in time. I jumped out of the car and ran to where he was lying and nudged him with the tip of my shoe. He didn't react and I thought that he was dead for real. When I picked him up, he moved a bit. I carried him, fleas, bruises and all. I later learned that some tricycle driver had run over him and literally fled the scene. His owner had no funds to bring him to the hospital and left him to crawl around in pain. It pains you to read this? READ ON!
There was not a part of his body that was not covered in fleas. He was literally black with all the fleas and ticks. To add to that, he had this wound on his thigh from the tire that ran over him. I rushed him to the nearest vet clinic. His condition, I was told, was "hopeless" and the interns told me to make him as comfortable as I could because he could just die anytime. They couldn't really help him and my bills from the looks of him would just soar unnecessarily. I was almost in tears. I can't even begin to describe how sad I felt. I know some people would think me crazy but they can say all they want for all I cared. Die? I knew it was true but I didn't want to give up. I went to a pet shop to buy him food plus flea and tick spray, and vitamin B for his muscles. I was going to nurse him back to health even if it killed me. I was not going to let this pup die!
After a week - he could crawl on his own. He was crawling but he was a lot stronger. After a couple of weeks he was even better. He was the reason I rushed home from work every single day. I would greet him and he would come crawling to me. I brushed the little hair that was sprouting from his skin, exercised his legs and just cuddled him so that he'd feel loved and cared for.
On the 3rd week, I came home and was so startled to hear such a loud and long whelp. Dear Lord in heaven, it was my Mushu, greeting me. I was stunned. He never made a sound during the 1st couple of weeks and I thought he would never ever "talk". He was on the road to recovery after that. After a time, he could wag his tail (it was paralyzed) , he could walk better, and he loved to wait for me to come home. He grew into a beautiful dog with light brown and shiny hair and had the sweetest disposition. I had him for 3 years.
That's the story of my Mushu. We both were through so many ups and downs - you name it! He became a mischievous dog, eating even my paints and all. He was on death's door another time from licking something rusty. Boy! But it was love that made him stay alive for as long as he could.
He made me very happy from August 2007 until September 2010. He grew up to be a beautiful dog and a lot of people said he looked like a labrador and was as big as one. He left as suddenly as he came. But I am sure he has a good place for me up there in doggy heaven and remembers our happy days.
PETITION: We want the French, Mexican and United States Governments to stop anyone using puppies and kittens as shark and alligator bait. Together we WILL put an end to this!
*****************************************************************************
I signed up for this not just because I'm fond of animals but because it's just wrong! If animals had voices, what would we hear them say? My heart bleeds when I see stories and pictures about cruelty to animals and to children. It's as perverse as it can get. Why????
The picture that came with this was one with a dog that had 2 large hooks pierced cleanly through his snout. This dog didn't look like a castaway. It looked like a cared for animal. I don't really care if it was cared for or not. No animal, whether a stray or not, deserves any type of cruelty from us humans. From what I've seen so far, I despair and think that it's us humans who've become more like animals in our way of thinking and in our actions. I am ashamed to even think of myself as human if my entire race thinks nothing of cruel acts.
I once had someone ask me why I cared so much for dogs, cats and other animals. They don't have a heart. My retort, that's what most think! But why can dogs and cats love so fiercely? Why can they forgive and forget even if we unintentionally hurt them? Why do they still trust us even if some intentionally hurt them?
I took care of 2 dogs who were almost at death's door. They came to me, literally skin and bones. That was what was left of them. One was Greg. The other was Mushu.
Mushu was a pup who my driver almost ran over on my way home because he was sprawled out in the street. I stopped him just in time. I jumped out of the car and ran to where he was lying and nudged him with the tip of my shoe. He didn't react and I thought that he was dead for real. When I picked him up, he moved a bit. I carried him, fleas, bruises and all. I later learned that some tricycle driver had run over him and literally fled the scene. His owner had no funds to bring him to the hospital and left him to crawl around in pain. It pains you to read this? READ ON!
There was not a part of his body that was not covered in fleas. He was literally black with all the fleas and ticks. To add to that, he had this wound on his thigh from the tire that ran over him. I rushed him to the nearest vet clinic. His condition, I was told, was "hopeless" and the interns told me to make him as comfortable as I could because he could just die anytime. They couldn't really help him and my bills from the looks of him would just soar unnecessarily. I was almost in tears. I can't even begin to describe how sad I felt. I know some people would think me crazy but they can say all they want for all I cared. Die? I knew it was true but I didn't want to give up. I went to a pet shop to buy him food plus flea and tick spray, and vitamin B for his muscles. I was going to nurse him back to health even if it killed me. I was not going to let this pup die!
After a week - he could crawl on his own. He was crawling but he was a lot stronger. After a couple of weeks he was even better. He was the reason I rushed home from work every single day. I would greet him and he would come crawling to me. I brushed the little hair that was sprouting from his skin, exercised his legs and just cuddled him so that he'd feel loved and cared for.
On the 3rd week, I came home and was so startled to hear such a loud and long whelp. Dear Lord in heaven, it was my Mushu, greeting me. I was stunned. He never made a sound during the 1st couple of weeks and I thought he would never ever "talk". He was on the road to recovery after that. After a time, he could wag his tail (it was paralyzed) , he could walk better, and he loved to wait for me to come home. He grew into a beautiful dog with light brown and shiny hair and had the sweetest disposition. I had him for 3 years.
That's the story of my Mushu. We both were through so many ups and downs - you name it! He became a mischievous dog, eating even my paints and all. He was on death's door another time from licking something rusty. Boy! But it was love that made him stay alive for as long as he could.
He made me very happy from August 2007 until September 2010. He grew up to be a beautiful dog and a lot of people said he looked like a labrador and was as big as one. He left as suddenly as he came. But I am sure he has a good place for me up there in doggy heaven and remembers our happy days.
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